Match.com Message: Looking for a loyal woman‏

This has got to be the weirdest email I have gotten so far. He saw my profile and emailed instead of winking. Good move however, be careful what you wish for. hahah!


"Hello,

My name is Matt, I am open minded and nonjudgmental - I am looking for a kind hearted woman who has a bit of a bit of a wild streak. I enjoy life and am looking for someone to share it with. I enjoy traveling and would like to do it more..

I have been separated for 4yrs, divorce was started in June.

I enjoy martial arts, chess, going out for dinner, a nice walk in the park, or a hike, a good movie, I like bowling and tennis - but I am terrible at both. I enjoy going for a drive, heading to the casino, a weekend in NYC, or just staying at home every now and then. I love flying (earned my private pilots license). I love amusement parks. This is a big one - I can not go a day without a good cup of coffee...

I work hard own my own business and am not looking to play games with anyone. I am sorry I did not post a photo but I am glad to sen d one, just thinking I do not want my customers or my ex to know my private life.. If you are interested in that photo my email is mgoodrich1 at g mail dot com..

I call when I say I will. I will do what I say, and I am not afraid to cook dinner when needed.

Have a good day
Matt"


I am tempted to write back:

"Thank you for your interest in the position of "My Boyfriend". Your resume was very interesting, especially since you are willing to cook when needed and are looking for a woman with "a bit of a bit of a wild streak". Unfortunately you do not meet the standard requirements and you sound like a robot. Since you did not include a photo, I am unable to keep your resume on file as it was incomplete.

CC"


Just a few things I can't get past and have to comment on:

Red Flag #1: Starting out with "I am open minded and nonjudgmental" means you probably are neither

Red Flag #2: "I am looking for a kind hearted woman who has a bit of a bit of a wild streak." First...proofread that shit! First impressions... Secondly, a wild streak can mean many things, perhaps you phrased that incorrectly.

Red Flag #3: He's "willing to cook when needed" ? Will you also do the laundry when needed? How do you feel about vacuuming and dusting? Doing dishes? How about I email you and ask for that photo of you when needed. BTW, that means it won't happen...ever.

Stop Me If You've Heard This One...

I have gotta say that now the profiles all just look the same. Every guy says they are "Fun, adventurous and like the outdoors" and also have a good sense of humor. Most of them are tired of headgames and are looking for a "good woman" of some sort which is pretty generic. Most of these guys don't know how to market themselves and I think that is why they are still single.

A majority are not adventurous, outgoing guys because if they were, they would be able to talk to a woman, be it through email or face to face. Maybe men ARE a myth, or at least on the verge of extinction. Stop "winking" and expecting me to do all the heavy lifting. Send me a message. Winking is for wimps. I have seen a few guys that looked interesting and I emailed them (which was forward for me). I didn't hear back from them, but I put myself out there and that is what Match is all about. Rejection sucks for a second, but you move on and keep trying. That's life and if you can't handle it, you can't handle a relationship.

Here's today's lucky profile spotlights:

"An brave Knight in search of the …"
I 'm an educated and a good looking guy. That is in search of my goddess from Central New York. I will rest not until I find that beautiful princess and my quest will be complete.
You say you are educated but start with a huge grammatical mistake…The fact that you are making fairytale references about Knights, goddesses and princesses means you probably are a Dungeons and Dragons nerd who lives in a fantasy world and that is creepy.

Hey Check this out....
I am easy to get a long with. I am single. I would like to meet a few new people and have a few laughs. Sure I would love to meet someone special but, for now just getting to know one or two people out...
So glad he’s single ‘cause this is a DATING site! Seen a couple of these lately. Duh! I HOPE so!

looking for adventure
im hard working mountain man looking for some change in my social life tired of bar singles not ready to settle back down but ready for some adventure always willing to go for a ride just to see thing...
And this guy LOOKS like a mountain man…actually more like a mountain Hermitt!

Match.com: The Hits Keep on Comin'!

This guy has goals and he wants a girl who's 'In it to win it?'. If he is the prize, I'll pass. Thanks!
Looking for a winner
"Looking for a fun date and maybe more. I am a single professional, who does not think bars and clubs are a nice place to meet people. Not that they are not fun places. Would like to meet someone attractive fun and in it to win it. I am looking forward to it."


I am not even sure if I can explain how uncomfortable this guy's "sense of humor" makes me feel. He's from Little Falls, so that might explain it. So glad he winked at me. Ewww.
Hard to Please
"I'm looking for a woman who hates music, candlelight dinners and walks on the beach in the moonlight. Must be into playing games. I hope you love to be the center of attention, have a voice like gravel and are built like an ottoman.
I don't mind if you don't have an education as long as you have strong, inflexible opinions. Sexually, please either constantly be like a dog in heat or slightly less responsive than a sidewalk.
I asked my friends what I am and they offered the following descriptions:
A man with a passion
An inspiration.
A sensation.
you are you, the only one there ever was or ever will be.
Hopefully you also are you and we can be us."


This guy says he's 6'3" and his body type is "a few extra pounds" I WISH I could post a photo, but I am sure that is verboden. Let's just say he is definitely carrying more than a few extra pounds. I doubt he's able to hike much more than flat paved surface for 10 minutes at a time, but can believe he's in the bar drinking beer more often than not.
And the plot thickens...
Adventurous male looking for adventurous female for adventure. Must like the outdoors and going out. Intelligent male looking for intelligent female for intelligent conversation. Serious personality but can be silly at times. Ideally my female counterpart would need to be willing to try to find the adventure in everyday activities without being a thrill seeker. She would need to be athletic enough to go hiking and outgoing enough to hit the pubs on a Friday after work.

Monday Morning Match Search Results

I logged on and checked my Match.com account this morning and found some gems to post from my search. Also I noticed a lot of guys are not into "playing games". That's too bad, because I really enjoy a good game of UNO or CLUE!

But seriously, many guys are concerned with lack of communication skills on the part of previous girlfriends/dates. apparently "game playing" is rampant and one guy even said that if you "have a shrine to an ex-, please don't contact me". A shrine to an ex? WEIRD. Run Away! Run Away!!

As promised:

This first one is a large part of his profile, because I felt it was blog worthy all the way through!

Ok here it is simply.... Im 32 yrs old im an Exec Chef at a 5 star resort and a wine bar and bistro.... My last 2 " Relationships " well lets just say hey it was the wrong people...!!! So my freind talk me into this match thing... HERE I AM.... I live in Saratoga Springs NY and Also Denver Colorado … read more »
Lots of !!!! and ... are never good. I am trying to cut back myself. Also, he seems to blame a failed relationship on the fact that they were the wrong people, so he most likely didn't learn anything about himself from those experiences. How immature. BTW, How do you live in Saratoga AND Denver?

What I like to do:I spend alot of my free time when I have with my girl " DOG " I have a great dane and yes she is THAT BIG..... OH AND I DONT HAVE TIME FOR GAMES..."
Big dog...cool. USING ALL CAPS LIKE THAT IS OBNOXIOUS. I guess he really doesn't have time for games.

My hot spots:I traveled to so many different places I don't even know...!! I would have to narrow it down to Italy or Mexico... HEY GUESS WHAT..? I DONT HAVE TIME FOR GAMES....
Again with the ... and Ooh! He's been sooo many places, He must be soooo cool. AND LET ME GUESS: IN CASE WE DIDN'T HEAR IT THE FIRST TIME! HE HAS NO TIME FOR GAMES!!!!...!!!!...!!! Someone has issues.

A few of my favorite things:You're rooted in a dying ocean. All of your silence rang like a storm of bells It's Been to long.Did you get to face the crowd.? Down on your knee's your conscious biting, Disarry, your heart has fallen. And all you were has been forgotten...
Huh? WTF?

Side note on this profile: 20 photos: 11 of them are food he has supposedly prepared, 3 of his dog, and the rest are pics of him that are not fully of him. Pictures of food? Really? Who's playing games now?


"well im very fun to be around and i love to go out and do things i wanna girl who can enjoy life with me with no headgames or lies im not into that kinda stuff i want a girl who will except me for who i am all im asking for is be yourself"
No pic not much information no to the games and apparently he doesn't know how to use capitalization enjoys run-on sentences with no punctuation kinda stuff it's really weird hard to read too


"Beach Fun Jim"
Big Personality in a Tall Slender Package I’m a tall and slender guy, and I live life to the max. I love mingling and chatting away, like a typical woman! I work hard and want to meet a woman for ..." Beach Fun Jim might be tall and slender, but I am not sure. He used the phrase "to the max". Ewww. BTW Beach Fun Jim, if I wanted a man who was like a typical woman, I would be a lesbian. Oh, and what exactly do you mean by "typical" woman?

The Match.com Experiment: Week 1 Review

My first week is coming to an end on Match.com and I wonder, can it get any worse? Can it get any better? Yesterday I thought perhaps I should throw in the towel. It's depressing! It's horrifying! But mostly it's sad.

Granted, getting a date with a decent guy in Upstate NY has always been akin to an episode of Mission: Impossible. The dating pool is awfully shallow and I am convinced global warming is evaporating it even further. Everyone says I am too picky, maybe that is true, but that is who I am.

I forgot a deal breaker: No Children! Dealing with a divorce is one thing, but dealing with someone else's kids is a non-negotiable for me. I dated a guy a few times in Syracuse who had a 4 year old (against my better judgement). She took precedence (obviously) and it was very difficult to make plans, keep plans and actually get to know the guy. If I had a kid, that would be different, but I don't and I don't want to play second fiddle to his.

Seriously, it hasn't been all bad. I have chatted with a few nice guys. It's definitely not a great score: Decent Guys: 5 Creepy Dudes: 127, but it's not a total loss...yet!

Here are a few more gems:

"Everyone says I look a lot younger than I am" - the dude was 56!!!!

"Single Dad With An Edge
I am a single father whose been out of the dating scene for some time by choice. Would like to meet a nice woman who knows how to treat a man." - Huh, great opener. Can I get you a beer from the fridge honey?

One guy wrote "What do you really want?" as his tag line...once I saw his picture my answer was "Not you!"

"I ask that you please "get it "
I am someone that gets what it takes to be a friend ,lover and companion.....I ask that you are able to do the same. I come from a very solid background ....i ask that you be of similar origins." - yea, the only thing I "Get" is that you have to rely on your 6-pack abs because you have no personality. That is obvious because you just HAD to post a picture of them on your profile. Classy...

"hi there!
I'm afraid that this limited format doesn't allow me the opportunity to share with you all of my varied interests. I guess I would describe myself as a life long learner." - Oh no! A life long learner!? I am so intimidated by his perceived intelligence and breadth of life experiences!

Some guy withe screen name of "HotPigLove" favorited me...what do you think? Should I pursue that one????

Day Two...Match.com Experiment

Day two held much more of the same. Spooky Vampire Dude, Never-Takes-a-Shower Dude and Psychotic-Looking Dude all contacted me. I wonder if those are the best profile pics they could get of themselves. At least smile! I love the ones who say they love to smile and have a great sense of humor in their profile but all of their pictures look like they are mad or scared. Dating sucks, I get that, but you get more flies with honey than vinegar.

I do have non-negotiable dealbreakers like everyone else, things I cannot look past. I think they are typical and not picky. There are only 5 thing on my list:

• Height (I like my guy to be taller than me and I like to wear heels)
• Well groomed (but not to the point that it takes him longer than me to get ready)
• Cannot be Obese (a few extra pounds is fine, but if you can't go hiking or skiing with me that is not attractive)
• Good Communication style (aware and intelligent, but need not be perfect)
• Must love animals(but not exotic ones)
  

I think Patti Stanger of "Millionaire Matchmaker" would be proud.

I am on the other hand trying to be more open minded about reading profiles and not paying so much attention to pictures. Let's be honest, looks are important, but I am not a 10 so why should I expect to date one?

I have found a few guys on there that have great profiles that really piqued my interest when they contacted me. There is even one who didn't have a profile picture who emailed me. His email and profile were great so I emailed him back. That is a HUGE step for me.

No matter what, I think it will be a great learning experience for me and something fun for you all to read!

The Match.com Experiment

Well, I did it. I signed up for Match.com. I know, I know, I said I would never be desperate enough to try it, and here I am. The guys I meet and am fixed up with lately are so immature and not men. I am sure it is a product of the area, but it is getting frustrating.

Actually what changed my mind was that all I have been hearing from recently engaged or married people is 'We met online!" Be it Match, Perfect Match, EHarmony or JDate, apparently this is where you can sift through the endless profiles and weed out the wackos to find someone decent. So why not? At least I will have some great fodder to breath some life back into this blog.

I was online about an hour tonight surfing through profiles, pics, and ridiculous tag lines when I received my first 4 winks, an IM and an email message.

The IM was first. He was annoyed because my age-range was "too narrow". I am sorry he is 51, but I don't think 30-40 is a narrow range. 16 years is a pretty wide age gap, and he looked like he just got home from a 2 week camping trip where he killed animals with his bare hands. Not my idea of boyfriend material.

The winks were pretty lame. I think one was a midget. I thought I put 5'9" as my height minimum? That may sound picky, but a girl has to wear heels!

I went back to perusing profiles and was appalled at the amount of available bachelors out there. I bet most of you ladies would be amazed that so many men, even the obesely overweight ones, who like to pose with their shirts off for their profile pic. That's definitely gonna get you noticed!

I did find a handful (literally 5 out of 100's) of guys with many of the attributes I am looking for. I chose their profiles based on the fact that they looked fairly normal, meaning no nudity, scary faces, or bad tag lines. They are now on my "favorites" list, whatever that means.

Then it was time to read the email message from "Rich". Check it:

"hello :)
im rich:)how r u i would like to talk to u"

His profile blurb read in part:

"hi im looking for that someone i can grow with n enjoy life for what it is:)
well im 31 divorced just want to enjoy life. I like to have fun cause some mischif:) be myself and to find someone who just wants to hangout at home or go out and hang out weather its to a movie or other things im not a picky person im opened minded to try anything i would like to find someone who is not looking for something serious right now but maybe in the future basicly i…"

I know what you are thinking. CC, How can you ignore such a wonderfully illiterate message? I wonder why he is divorced?

After my first hour of being on Match.com in upstate NY (I know, it's not really Match's fault)I have decided to revamp my profile. Let me know what you think:

Hi, I'm CC. I have a Bachelor's Degree, enjoy museums, movies, music of all types and have a wicked sense of humor. I am looking for a well-read, intelligent man who enjoys being active (that means you're not in danger of cardiac arrest because you took a walk to get the mail at the end of the driveway) who is looking for a partner in life (not just someone to clean your trailer and cook for you).

If you have a profile pic with no shirt on or say you are a fun guy but can't smile in a single picture, don't bother to contact me. If you have 4 chins, no teeth, are old enough to be my father, look like a crazed serial killer or are "just lookin' for a good woman" please resist the urge to wink at or IM me. Also, if you message me, please refrain from using text-speak and write like an adult male who has actually graduated from high school (or better yet college).

Check back often to see more of the Match.com experiment!