Not Firing on All Cylinders...

Hungryhat winking at me... again! Apparently he is not aware that his multiple emails and hopes for the new year are getting REALLY CREEPY. So here is my question to you, gentle reader, should I continue to ignore hungryhat (hasn't worked too well yet) or should I send him an email? If I send an email, am I nice or should I just be blunt and tell him to stop being so weird? Post your comments!

Then, here is this wingnut. Seriously. What kind of introductory email is this? It's half resume and half ramblings of a wacked-out former frat boy. Ummmm yea, I am thinking we a NOT a match. Good luck with that! Comments on the cringeworthy in YELLOW today! And there are so many of them! (I have eliminated his name, names of companies and towns)

"hi, fun loving people are awesome as long as there is substance far and in between I assume he is commenting on my profile where I say I am fun-loving. Hey! That sounds like he is trying to say I might not have any substance. If he could only see me rip him to shreds on my blog...substance I have...scruples not so much!

hope your having a good morning Not after that comment asshole!

I'm M from C,. I graduated from Oneonta and have been at C for 5 1/2 years doing Tech Support, Fixing and configuring Networks. Good for you. Would you like a medal or a chest to pin it on?

I also work with Marketing and Sales job Really? I don't believe it!

On my free time I enjoy shooting pool, getting a drink once in a blue moon with some friends. Watch a Giants ball game. i like to try and eat healthy but indulge like any normal american. That was random.
i enjoy the gym as well, snowboarding, camping times a million, hiking, boating and fishing, every once in a while ill drink, not so often. i dont mind smokers but i dont smoke cigs. You mentioned the drinking twice...methinks the gentleman doth protest too much. Oh,and camping times a million? Why not camping times infinity? (I know you are but what am I?)

i love the giants again did i already mention this. Unfortunately, yes.


i love to play pool, roller blade, and shoot hoops in the spring. Again with the pool playing. Repetition man. You can shoot hoops in the other seasons too you know...
i love to keep it real and changing it up. How does one "keep it real"? dont get me wrong i like routine but i love spice in all forms. . Something tells me that doesn't mean he likes a variety of spices like onion, garlic, paprika and curry...ewww! i love a smart woman who has confidence. anyways if you sound like her and care to chat. I am so smart and confident that I don't care to chat with you!

i am not die hard religious but am spiritual. Red Flag! You are non-committal on religion, which usually means you have no set beliefs on anything or you just don't have the balls to say you have faith in something. Either way, that's a red flag for me.

love to work and make people happy and help people grow. And I love puppies and Christmas and long walks in the snow!


Anyways just trying to find the right person for me in my life, thought id start here. Another red flag! (even though it is in yellow!)This tells me he is looking for someone to fit into HIS life and that he doesn't get that it's not one into the other but more of a melding. I enjoy anything once,. I bet! I enjoy people who have their own style of things. I like people who are unique But again, I want to find the right person for me IN MY LIFE, so leave your uniqueness and style at the door ladies!

Talk to you soon i hope. No Thanks!

M"


Don't forget to weigh in on the Hungryhat dilemma!!

Match.com and Marketing 101

My posts of late poke fun and can seem mean-spirited but it's targeting the collective stupidity of those of us who are searching for love in the digital age, not the individuals themselves. My aim is to show that an alarming amount of men (from the female perspective of course), do not understand how to use the tools available to them, especially the internet, to find love.

Let's be honest. Marketing yourself is best utilized by those who are confident in themselves and savvy enough to understand how others will perceive their "collateral". Taking pride in how you present yourself on match.com is as important as how you present yourself on Linked In. As a job seeker and young professional with a marketing background, I find these two things surprisingly linked.

I am a self-proclaimed "people watcher". Perhaps that's why I had all the courses I needed for a double Major in Cultural Anthropology in college and didn't realize it!(Yes, I did end up with 2 majors) I loved my Anthro classes and found them incredibly insightful to human behavior and perceptions. Due to my experiences thus far with match, my background in marketing and love of anthropology I have made a TOP 5 TIPS for presenting yourself in public: online or in person, on dating sites or job searches and networking media.

CC's TOP 5 TIPS FOR MARKETING YOURSELF

(for any occasion)

1. Put your best foot forward. Be positive, be honest and be on your best behavior. Clean up, dress up and be ready to impress.
2. Represent yourself in print as you would in person. Clean. Concise. Intelligent. Spell check. Proof read. Edit. Repeat. That goes double for pictures Guys. Keep your shirt on, smile and use a relevant, flattering, recent photo. Not having a photo makes us suspicious.
3. Slang, cursing, and telling negative stories about previous dates/bosses/jobs is not acceptable. Leave your baggage at home! On a date: go easy on the drinks, 2 maximum!
4. Do your homework. Read about your potential date/job/company. Have conversation ideas and questions in mind to become engaged. Be Prepared.
5. Know your product and know your audience! Picture your ideal date/job. If you expect the best, you should also assume THEY expect the best. How do you measure up to your standards of others? Are your expectations realistic?

In my opinion, #5 is the cornerstone of personal growth and is a difficult question for everyone to answer honestly to themselves. The key is knowing your strengths and weaknesses and being honest about both. Love, job hunting and networking require risk taking. It's gonna get messy. Love is a battlefield my friends, and sometimes I feel like Attila the Hun.

Screen Names that Leave an Impression and More!

There certainly isn't a shortage of bad screen names on match. You may think you've heard these before, but trust me, they're all new.


Imreadytoroll123: "Roll, roll roll in ze hay!" (name that movie gentle readers!)

OneWomanManPeter: I think I understand what he was TRYING to say...

PETERSTICK: Really? (and all in caps) What is he implying? or overcompensating for?

Deinonychus1: HUH? Dine on my chest? Dein is mein? Anyone?

floppytomcat: He's lazy and he will only stay a while.



The exception to the stupidity:

OneBigNiceGuy: This guy is big, and he had a nice big smile. He was willing to put it out there and not hide it. I hope he finds a good girl.



Here is a Tagline from a profile that caught my eye (like a fishhook):

LOOKIN FOR MISS RITE NOT MISS RITE NOW Is Miss Rite any relation to Miss Rite Aide? Perhaps he really is looking for a priestess who is most ceremonial in her life and loves to burn incense?


"chris_is_active" sent me a message:
"you been to england that is pretty cool." - Yea. I been to england it was pretty cool, yo...I mean, Yes. I have been to England.

"looking" winked at me. This is his first impression profile intro:
"Talk to me!! You ask me what you want to know. Why should tell you what I think you want to know? Ask...I will answer your questions." Obviously a master communicator. OK, I have a question: Why don't you grow some BALLS, be a man and write to a woman instead of "Winking" at her? Making her do all the work sets a precident and in the future, you will be bitching that she bosses you around. Who's fault is that I wonder?


Updates: I have two second dates this weekend. One for a movie and one for a museum. In all seriousness, there are some good guys still out there and they seem to be going through the same things as we do.

Fun with Profiles & Pics: Part 2

Well, here it is. The second and final part of 'Fun with Profiles & Pics'. I hope you have enjoyed it as much as I have enjoyed putting it together for you!

More of the same, although these are a different format because they are guys who viewed my profile. This way you get to see a bit of their initial overview. Let's get the old ones out of the way first. (Click on them to make them larger and easier to read.They should pop up in a separate window)

What on earth is a 71 year old doing looking at a 35 year old??? Yea, I know what you want old man and if it's not a heart attack, you better skew your search a bit OLDER.



This guy winked at me too. 20 years is a big difference AND in his profile under 'for fun' he actually listed SEX. OK, besides the ewww, that doesn't sound like he is looking for a meaningful relationship. Grow up!

Besides looking like that serial killer on the last episode of Criminal Minds, he has no grasp of the English language. What is a minture picture? Maybe he meant a miniature pinscher? Also reminds me a bit of the Planet Fitness ad with the muscle head who can only say "I lift things up and put them down".

"Like I said, I don't judge people. Unless they are into violence or real stupidity. As opposed to fake stupidity. Ya know? I also like to dissect bunnies and cats for fun...see??"



His favorite pick up lines: "My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." and "Life isn't that short, but it's getting shorter" Um...yea.



Mr. Apostrophe here can't seem to get a grasp of the possessive. Maybe the right one for him is an elementary reading teacher!


These two monsters marked me as a FAVORITE on their accounts. It tells me this. They have never contacted me, but they have been listed as marking me a favorite of theirs for 2 months now. Creepy...

Thank GOD he's SINGLE! Actually I have heard stories of married or involved guys on match, but you can tell who is genuine and who is not most of the time. He's a lefty and he once won a Costume contest when he dressed up as Frankenstein! but seriously, this guy might not be so bad if his profile and pic weren't so creepy. It's in the eyes. I just couldn't subject you to that...


A mountain man who enjoys hanging out in his camp shirtless makin' meth. He's lookin' for some change and wants a woman, but doesn't want anything serious. He likes adventure ladies, so pack up the Comet and the Liquid Drano and head on over. Papa's got a brand new batch!


More crazy screen names and messages up tomorrow around 10am and my advice for marketing yourself in the digital age posting at 2pm tomorrow, so take your coffee breaks accordingly!

Fun with Profiles & Pics: Part 1

Today I thought it would be fun to give you a glimpse into the world of Match as I see it...well mostly. I have taken out where they live and part of their screen names as well as sometimes blotting out their eyes. Most of these guys might actually get a date if they put a little effort into their profile and pic. Many are not that bad and would look better if they took some pride in their appearance (as they are so insistent about with the ladies). How can you care about a woman if you don't care about yourself? Come on Guys! Step it up!

This gives you an idea of the average guy on match, in my area anyway. Yea, I said it...AVERAGE. I am partial to 'davetime'. Can you find him? I think he picked man seeking woman by mistake.

These profiles I had to separate out because they really needed one on one time:


80Whe's Internal dialog: "OK. I want to look sexy so I will take my shirt off and focus my attention on the cockroach in the shower so it looks like I am giving it 'the eye'...Yea. Look how sexy I am."

His profile should read:

Likes: Cheap beer, long walks in the trailer park and homemade meth.



Please...I don't want to see any more results like this!



Zijo's Internal Dialog: "Um, gosh. These newfangled computers and website cameras are tricky! How am I supposed to take a picture of myself AND look into the camera?"



His profile should read:
Likes: Cheap beer, eatin', heavy metal music, smokin' weed, eatin', wakin' n' bakin' then takin' my profile pic for match.



Tazdevil's Internal Dialog: "Chicks love cigars...Once I light this one I'm gonna ask the DJ to play my signature song 'I Wear My Sunglasses at Night'. A cigar AND sunglasses... I am toooo cool"


BuckSnort's Internal Dialog: "Now let's see...What should my screen name be? My name and birthday? Nah. that's too obvious. Hmmm....Wait!~ I GOT IT!!!! That's PERFECT!"



Next up: Part Two.

After Christmas Match Mash-Up

Over the holidays I had begun compiling a group of blog-worthy match.com emails, profiles and names. Here is that compilation (with commentary of course)for your reading enjoyment!

new_england10
"If your a friendly, pleasant, effectionate, honest and faithful woman then id like to meet you for a serious relationship." Effectionate...what does THAT mean?

favorite things:
"I like kid rock and some alternative. I like reality shows like survivor, big brother. cops, americas most wanted, deadliest catch, ufc." Kid Rock and Some Alternative? And a UFC (Ultimate fighting fan?) That means lots of testosterone and no substance.

his message to me Dec 22nd:
Hi,what are you looking for?
Great Email. Way to open up the lines of communication new_england10! Let me respond here since I didn't respond to him.

Hi My name is CC, I am looking for a job.
................, I am looking for a snack food that is delicious AND nutritious
................, I am looking for an affordable apartment with charm and nice neighbors.
The possible answers to that question are abundant, various and somewhat dangerous. I will stop there.
-------------------------------------------------------------------

Rus60
"A very social non-A type guy. That wants to meet some who brings something new to the table. A lady that is open to enjoying life. This means maybe trying some new things. A love of other cultures defn says a lot about a lady. You've gotta love to travel, who doesnt wanna get out of dodge once in a while. Intelligence of course is important, but dont be intimidated. One can be intelligent in various ways. Dont wanna spill it out here, drop me a line, ciao." What DOES a love of other cultures really say about a lady? Intimidated by HIS intelligence? Yeah, sure...right!

In my own words
for fun:
I love travel and experiencing other cultures. (like the Indian Casino?)

my job:
Ortho ? -chromatic? -dontist? -dox? Hopefully he is Orthograde!
my ethnicity:
I love learning about my slavic ethncity. I bet you would love learning about your Slavic Ethnicity as well.

favorite hot spots:
I think a hot spot can be whatever you make it. So anyplace in the company of good friends 1 point to Slytherin for a decent, but canned, typical answer. Are you copying off someone else's profile Rus60?

favorite things:
Getting lost in a city ive never been before, and finding a small pub or restaurant. Another canned response. Has he ever gotten lost in a city you have never been in before? It's not always a romantic comedy movie moment. I know. I have actually done it.

last read:
Hmmm, youll have to ask i read alot. Ooh! How mysterious! Looking at the content and accuracy of your grammar I would make a guess that you read either a Chinese menu a few times a week or one of the local newspapers.
------------------------------------------------------------

Chivalrous83 emails:

he said
December 12

good morning

Cardiff!! :)

D

you said
December 12

RE: good morning

You are a man of few words... Good morning to you too!

C


he said
December 13
RE: good morning

C

Three questions then

D
HUH? Confused. I played his little game once just to be an ass. It's funny that he is the one who contacted me, and then he was so cagey. I never responded back, because he was obviously NOT Chivalrous. I wonder how many girls have put up with that crap because he was attractive? Looks aren't everything: Exhibit A!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Moose wrote

hey
i like alot about you. Aww, Thanks! I like a lot about me too!
--------------------------------------------------------------------

TheDeal71
Profile Tagline:
If that's what it is, it is what it is. And if you are what you are, then you are what you are...I think?
--------------------------------------------------------------------

Hungryhat is at it again

hi
How are you CC ?? I am hoping that it being a new year and all ........... my luck will change and I will get a response from you. (Cue crickets chirping)
-------------------------------------------------------------------

Memorable Screen Names:

atheistandhonest - Thanks. And see ya!

Maddogmat - Um. Down boy.

outdoorgenious - Outdoor savvy maybe, but not a spelling genius apparently!

nywild3 - More like a wild hog

medic4u40 - Just in case I need mouth to mouth?

fyrehrt - He means Fire Heart...but my sense of humor reads it as FAAARRT!!

slave2genetics - Unfortunately you are. If you would stop inbreeding things might get better.

fredhot20 - I liked this name. He wasn't hot, but he was creative!


I think I am looking for guys to rank on as much as I am looking for guys to date. Lucky for you, there is plenty of fodder from match.com to post! Truth is stranger than fiction for sure.

Seriously though, I had another date last week and he was really nice. A bit short, but great personality and attractive. We are having a second date sometime this next week. I also have two others that I am going to meet in the next week.