Revisiting the Past

This weekend was spent at my parents home for the annual "Violet Festival" in my hometown. Alot has changed over the years since I graduated High School, and even tho I visit my parents at least once a month, this weekend really drove home a few things for me. It was a sort of an awakening for me, tho an emotional one but I think I will be glad I had this range of emotion later on.

I'M OVER IT:
As I walked around the town I saw many people I knew and had gone to High school with. Some are still living in the area and some like me, were visiting for the weekend. I saw a classmate who is divorced, has two children and is now living (or dating not sure which) with a man 8 years older than her and his 2 children from two previous marriages. This guy was one of my brother's best friends in high school and I had the biggest crush on him when I was little. To see him, "dating" a girl who I graduated from HS with kind of creeped me out.

I remember about 5 or 6 years ago, many of my classmates were getting married and having babies and I was thinking that maybe I was on the wrong path or doing the wrong things. As I chatted with them and caught up a bit I was thinking to myself how old my friend was looking. I say this without malice or judgement, but I am glad I have not married yet. I would not want to have married and divorced with two children by the age of 28 or 29. I felt lucky that I am where I am right now, and happy with my life thus far. I am not be immune to these situations but it is clearer every day that I am right to be picky, and not settle.

Running into an ex is always fun too. This time he is married and has a 8 month old child. He married one of the biggest hos in town. She was at one time the village bicycle and have you ever heard of the saying "A face only a mother could love"? I always say, anytime you can rank on a ex's new girl, it's wise to be as vicious as possible. I am not bitter about it, it's just sad. He is a small town (fairly hot) guy who has small town thoughts and is now married to an ugly troll of a girl. I know looks aren't everything, but if you saw this girl, you would rather slit your wrists and sit in a tub of rubbing alcohol than wake up to that every morning for the rest of your life!!! Was that vicious enough?

EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER:
Yeah, moving on. This is a really mean spirited post huh? Sorry about that, but it's going to get even worse. I guess everything hit me at once and I became an emotional wreck last night.

I also saw the sister of my friend who had died in a car crash 9 years ago. It's always nice to see her, but it's also weird b/c I immediately can't stop thinking about Jenn, and I am sure that she is reminded b/c of me. Those memories of the phone call I received that morning, along with her wake and funeral came rushing back to me and I couldn't clear my mind of them to get to sleep last night. My emotions were so close to the surface that I literally thought I was going mad. The images were so vibrant, as if I was reliving them all over again. I thought I had dealt with her death. I thought I had squared myself and accepted it and moved on. Moved on, tho remembered her. Maybe realizing that it had been 9 years in May without my kindred friend was the kicker. Maybe it was alot of things that came to mind about how much Jenn has missed over the last 9 years and also how much I miss her.

Ahhh, sorry about that. I just had to get that out. Ever since Jenn, I have been in avoidance/numb mode when it came to family deaths, only to have an outburst down the road. It's not healthy but I hate crying in front of people. Feel free to call a grief counselor on my behalf. After reading that, I am sure I am in need of some help. :)

ON A POSITIVE NOTE:
Many good things happened over the weekend however as well. I saw a few coworkers as well as my Boss from the music store. It was nice to chat with him for a bit, seeing that my position was cut in such a manner that I was a bit annoyed when I left. He's a good guy and treated me very well while I was there like supporting me thru my major surgery. He apologized at the time and told me I would thank him for it eventually b/c I needed to get out of the area and do something better with my life. He was right, and here I am finding my way.

I also ate extremely well(as usual). Dad had made BBQ ribs and London Broil Saturday night, there was ice cream and lunch out and Dad's homemade sphaghetti sauce and meatballs on Sunday. I wouldn't have been happier (or more full!) Oh and a cozy fire in the fireplace (since it was barely 50 degrees this weekend!!!) was the icing on the cake (and my saving grace) this weekend.

WHAT I KNOW AND REINFORCED THIS WEEKEND:
It all comes down to being happy with who and where you are. Being with Family and friends and being thankfull for your blessings is the key. I am still here, I have a lot to accomplish and I wouldn't trade it for anything. This weekend made me realize more than ever that I am going to be fine and I am getting to where I want to be. Maybe the journey is starting slowly, but I am making strides all the time, emotional baggage and all.


Well, now that I have used up my serious post for the week, I hope to be able to post some light and silly posts at some point. :) Have a good day everyone.