Psychosomatic Symptons

This is gonna be a weird post, just to warn you. But hang in with me (sorry it's so long!), 'cause I am thinking that more of you out there than just me have had a similar reaction. And yes, I posted this on Saturday morning, 'cause I just had to get it out!!! I am my own therapist!

Everyone goes through ups and downs in their life. I know I have times when I am just frustrated and confused with my life and I need to shut down for a few days, be by myself and work it out. For the past 5 months I have been happy, excited, optimistic and extremely social. The Vegas experience really put things in perspective for me (as traveling tends to do) and I have been ready to tackle anything.

The past week has been difficult. Yes, I was feeling under the weather, but it was an under the weather I could have pushed through if I wasn't letting this silent depression hold me down. Something was bumming me out and I couldn't put my finger on it. I was doing well with work, just the typical situationsthat I smile and joke my way thru every week. By the end of the week I found some free time to get started on organizing myself except I couldn't be happy about it. Organizing is something that will bring me out of a funk, but this wasn't helping.

Yesterday (Friday) I stayed home since I still wasn't feeling well. I slept most of the day took my tylenol and drank my fluids, but I knew that wasn't curing the real issue. By evening I took a shower and was feeling better. I tried to think about what might be influencing this mood. Was it because I was watching Buffy a lot lately? I mean seasons 5 and 6 are pretty dark... I decided that couldn be it because I was watching it before Christmas! And that show is HYSTERICAL with all the funnies they fit in. Which reminds me that I would love to do a Buffy Post with a bunch of my favorite lines...

ANYWHO, deciding that Buffy was ruled out I was trying to put a finger on what was different in my life lately and then it hit me. Since I moved in September a close friend of mine and I have drifted apart. We have spoken on the phone a few times, I had invited her to do things in the beginning but she never reciprocated by inviting me. I won't go into everything here, but I was enjoying not hanging with her and things were going great until she called on Sunday. It had been a month since I left her a Merry Christmas message and hadn't heard anything from her. I hate to say it but I had gotten to my threshold with her a year ago and was happy not to have to listen to her whining about not dating anyone and judging everyone from her selfish holier than thou throne.

It was the sort of friendship that drains the other person of their heart and soul. Having to constantly reinforce someone's low self esteem, and seeing them never try for themselves, and then the fact that everything has to be about them or they are not happy just sucked the life out of me. I felt like I was suffocating because she was never there for me except to judge, and push her views onto me.

I had had enough and the past 5 months have been so great without her in my life. It got to the point that it was imperitive that I have a circle of friends that she wasn't included in because I felt this need to excape. I just couldn't handle this friendship anymore, I needed a break from being the good guy and having to walk on eggshells around her because it was all about her and her life problems and issues.

I think you can see what I am getting at. My tangent just explained that once she contacted me my funk began. Sunday after she kept me on the phone for 2 hours (!!talking for all but about 20 minutes about herself I might add) I finally got off the phone with her and felt like I was in a daze. My funk had begun there, I just needed to think about it. Then this week she had called me twice to update me on something going on with her...and both times she talked the entire time about herself and never asked how I was or how my week was going. I didn't offer it but the point is, she NEVER EVEN ASKED.

So, now that I understand that my syptoms are mostly psychosomatic and because of this person, my hope to distance myself further from her has become a priority. This is a strange thing to me, because I hold my friends very dear. Maybe I am just now after 8 years of knowing her seeing her true colors. I don't just drop friends. Well, I am done. I don't want to be rude, I don't want to be mean, but I just cannot handle being friends with her. It is too stressful for me and she is too needy.

Maybe this sounds terrible to those of you reading this who don't know the players, but Lamby will concure. This person has gone mental in the past year, worse than ever, and Lamby has witnessed the weirdness in person. Sometimes friendships break down and change, and this is one of them. I am just not willing to save it, I did that once in college. I am sick of doing all the work, and I am sick of her closed minded judgmental ways. I wish her well and hope she finally opens her eyes to her issues and works on them, but for my own sanity I need to be done with it and the psychosomatic symptoms that have come from it.