New Moon Review

Where shall I start? I guess saying that I can't believe I was even a little excited to see New Moon is a good place to begin. Perhaps my status as unemployed has clouded my judgement. Getting to spend some time with my friend Big Geek was really where my excitement stemmed from. I was confused. Disoriented. And here is what can happen when you make bad movie viewing decisions...

I will now attempt to express the few and far between positives this movie had to offer.

First up: Taylor Lautner was the star of the film. The kid beefed up, was the best actor in the film (although that's not saying a ton)and looked amazing. When they said he would continue as Jacob, I was not a believer that he could pull it off, but he did the character justice. They did well by him with makeup and wardrobe and made the transformation complete. He was "sort of beautiful" for sure. I think he will be one of the only ones that has any success outside of the franchise when it is over, since he plays his character well and yet never seems likely to be typecast. I actually looked forward to the times he was on screen and that's saying a lot considering the rest of the film.

Second: The CGI was pretty good. I appreciated the movements, body language and expressions that Jacob's wolf had. They melded human with CGI wolf well in that manner. The cliff jumping scenes were horrible though. It was so obvious and made me think of the Goonies when the boys are looking up at the restaurant...If you are a Goonies fan, you will know what I mean.

Thirdly, something I appreciated was how they dealt with Bella's depression after Edward leaves. (Has anyone else wondered why a 100 year old vampire still makes decisions like a 17 year old boy?) Something that took chapter upon chapter in the book lasted 5 minutes and was done pretty well.

I had to scrounge for the good, but the bad came naturally. There is a lot, sprinkled with other observations, so I will try to keep this as short as I can.

The writing was horrendous, but then again so was the book. One liner jokes flew out as randomness to break up the monotony of the painfully slow paced scenes. A majority of the movie is Bella having supposedly deep exchanges with Edward, or Jacob, both, or Alice. I felt like everything was in slow motion as if I was trapped in a dream where I had no voice to scream to stop it all. I was looking for the fast forward button but couldn't find my remote. Some might compare it to having teeth pulled.

The only scenes that stick out are the few actiony spots, because all of the other scenes seem to be mushing together in a conglomerate of badly acted teen angst and Bella's inability to realize that Edward is an asshole and Jacob is a gem in comparison.

Yes, you heard it here first. I would choose the werewolf.

Warderobe and Makeup:

The wardrobes were indicative of current (and resurfacing) trends and the color scheme has moved from the blues and greys of Twilight to darker greys and earth tones like deep maroons, purples and mossy greens and browns. Emphasis on Bella's hair seemed to be a central theme of the movie and seemed to keep changing style and length. I guess I could tell you that this was done to show her dissarray and lack of self-care through her Edward induced depressed but I think that would be stretching it a bit.

We didn't see much of the Cullens, obviously because they were not involved much in the book either, but makeup was overdone and obvious, more-so than in Twilight. I cannot believe ANYONE would believe those people were normal if they lived in their town. Most of them looked like kids who got into a baby powder fight.

Poor Jasper, my favorite of the Cullin clan besides Alice, had a few more lines this time which made me happy but what were they thinking when they did his hair??? It looked like they used Madonna's wig from Dick Tracey. Jasper's was one hairstyle that was done better in Twilight....unlike Victoria. At least Victoria had the great hair that Twilight missed out on in New Moon. The red was vibrant and contrasted nicely with the pallet they were using. It screamed vengeance and thirst for blood, or am I just stretching it a bit again?

I think they were trying to make all the vampire men look as gay as possible. Case in point: the Volturi looked more like a bunch of fruits with too much lipstick on than ass-kicking, power-laden ancients. Way to push the homo-eroticism on the tweens Summit.

Cinematography:

I've got to tell you, I was not impressed. Let me say it this way: I cannot remember a single frame that was memorable. Everything was flat. Not that it was horrible, but it wasn't stellar. A cinematographer with no memorable vision? Again, like twilight, they were trying way too hard and ended up with blah...and actually less than Twilight had managed to secure.

Music and Score:

Forgetable. That is my description for the music in this film. A few, possibly 2 or 3songs stick out, but not enough that they are plaguing me until I purchase them. What's most annoying to me is I remember the scenes they were in, but I cannot recall the music, which is odd for me. This could be because of their placement, or that they just chose the wrong songs. Whatever the reason, the music supervisor missed out on the chance to amp up a boring flick with some amazing music placements. As usual, music makes the movie, though perhaps it would not have saved New Moon.

As for the score, was there a score? I wasn't aware of any themes what-so-ever except for a 5 note "Jacob theme" which was so unimpressive I vaguely remember thinking "That's it?". Let's face it, noone is composing much good music anymore anyway. They score for the movie scenes individually, not the movie as a whole which I personally think takes away from the soul of the score.

Acting:

The acting was only decent by a few. And most of those few are supporting characters like Bella's Dad, classmate Jessica, Alice Cullen who delivered much needed comic relief. As I had said before, Jacob did well. I felt as though Kristen Stewart's Bella was more comfortable and the sparks were at least noticeable when she had scenes with Taylor/Jacob.

Edward on the other hand looked like he was constipated every time he was with Bella and that at any moment he may snap her neck. Bella seemed to wake up from dreams of childbirth pains with her obnoxious screams. She always looked mad at Edward and unable to express herself to him except in stammers and stops. Someone should explain to them the subtle differences in portraying pain. Longing, a broken heart and breaking a leg are three different emotional monsters in my book.

That's a Wrap:

This movie deserves a good ripping. I couldn't resist laughing out loud many times at the ridiculousnes of it all. As I did whilst reading the book, I felt that Jacob got the cardboard box, but on the other hand, who would want the emotionless, vacant Bella anyway? An emotionless, vacant, Vampire perhaps?

The ball is set in motion. I have already seen the first two so I will go and see the next in the theater with Big Geek again in June. Actually, Jasper has a bigger part as should Rosalie so hopefully that will be more entertaining and will hold my attention better...Or not. At least I can hang with Big Geek and then come home and rip it to shreds here for you all to read about.