Evil, thy name is Pie Hole

Have you ever had the family member from hell? I am sure we all have at one point or another. You know the one you have to walk on eggshells when they are around so she doesn’t have a psychotic break in front of the entire family? Let me share a story about my experiences with an individual we like to call many names, tho Pie Hole has stuck universally.

My family, tho sometimes over-protective of their own, is a generous, happy, loyal bunch. I may be biased and it’s not always rainbows and butterflies, but we are good people. Then one day one of my brothers married a shrew. Yeah I am talking straight from Shakespeare’s “Taming of the Shrew” and this bitch is worse than fair Kate. She has grown fatter with each child she has spawned and her psychotic bouts have become more numerous. A simple email inviting one to the house for a birthday begins nicely enough but Pie Hole always gets a pot shot in to let you know she‘s inviting you because she HAS to not because she WANTS to.

Can you imagine listening to her berate your family members in front of you or kick your beautiful yellow lab (who would have moved if you simply asked her) to get her out of her way? Meanness and jealousy swirl around her like a fat man’s gas after a bean bake off. The woman is EVIL in its truest form. Hide your Dalmatians cause fat ass wants a new coat!

In her eyes, my family is a bunch of idiots. We don’t do the right things, say the right things or wear the right things. It’s amazing to think this comes from a woman who has a family of misfits: Her parents are alcoholics, her sister is a psycho and both her father and sister have stayed in the loony bin for a period of time. Her brother who has moved away from it all seems to be the only smart one of the bunch. She was an upper middle class girl who thinks she is high society and deserves to live as high society. Her husband makes a decent living and they live very comfortably, but not to the extent that she wants. She has yet to join the workforce after having children to pay for the extravagant lifestyle she so longs for. She is the apex of sloth. Imagine for a moment Jabba the Hut lounging around her palatial palace eating like a pig and watching talk shows stopping briefly to send angry emails to people in my family. She is a lazy fat turd that needs to be flushed down the toilet bowl of life.

People like her are put here to torture those of us who are trying to do the right things. My family has bent over backwards to make things run smoothly the few times a year we have to be subjected to her. We have been extremely patient and taken this abuse year after year so we can see the 3 girls and our sibling. Recently, thru 15 years of her demon-like demeanor many of us have stopped pulling punches. I guess it’s time for the gloves to come off and you know what? Next time she says something nasty about my family…Pie Hole is goin’ down!!!